All Hallow’s Eve is fast approaching. Have you picked out your guise yet?
From gobliins, ghouls and witches to vampires, werewolves, dead celebrities and sitting presidents, Halloween costumes can be elaborate, clever, subtle and witty. They can also be cheap, obnoxious and uninspired. Here’s six beer themed fancy dress get-ups. You can decide for yourself the adjectives that best describe them.
Generic Beer Bottle
He’s the royalty-free, non-copyright-infringing life of the party! Impress all your friends as an anthropomorphized bottle of the brand of suds all your favorite TV and movie characters always order: “beer”.
Beer Keg Dress
Slutty Pirate, Slutty Nurse, Slutty Witch and now…Slutty Beer Keg? That’s right ladies (or gents – equal opportunity), now you can be the double-shot of gratuitous sex object and booze dispenser!
Be prepared for the inevitable onslaught of crude jokes about wanting to “tap that”. It even says so on the side of the dress…cause, subtlety.
Who’s got two thumbs, a fourteen-year-old’s sense of humor and probably a binge drinking problem? This guy!
Chances are the guy who shows up at a party in this costume will be leaving with the woman in the beer keg dress. If there is any justice in the universe, they will not procreate.
Beer Pong Cup
This one hinges on the balls. The inflatable ping pong ball accessories, that is. If you lose those (and, really, who wants to carry them around all night) you just look like a miniature hobo – trading in the barrel with suspenders outfit for a red solo cup.
Also, don’t plan on sitting down at all…or even walking, really.
Look, if you’re gonna dress up as a fake beer superhero mascot, go with Duffman. Because “Beer Man” is just sad. Plus Duffman has far superior foam muscles.
Colt 45 Forty
Class, man. This is all class.